Restart

I've got some goals.

Are they achievable? Definitely. For me?  Ehhhhh... not so sure.  So I'll keep those close for now.  Regardless, the goal is to be in the best shape of my life by September 7th.

I need increased endurance.

I'd like to be lighter.

I need to not injure myself doing something stupid like overdoing it.

Pretty easy?  I hope so.

New goals = new foods for me.  I love food.  Really.  I just don't understand those people that just eat to live.  Food can be delicious so why would anyone only intake what they needed?  I can't do it.

Lunch for the week!

Inspired by those "Suddenly Salad" pastas, I made my own.

One box of cooked Barilla gluten-free rotini mixed with half a bottle of Bolthouse Farms brand cilantro avocado dressing (SO GOOD!), a large grilled chicken breast all diced up, chopped fire roasted red pepper, and a sprinkle of Romano cheese for some zing.

It's a major win!

I had to stop sampling it before I ate too much and didn't have enough for lunch.

Goal Victory!

Well, I did it.  As of today it's official.

I've lost 50 pounds.  I am in sight of the day when I'll turn in my membership to the 200 club.  I don't feel a darn bit different, still can't see any change when I look in the mirror, but am SO excited. I'm not going to do any big outward celebration for hitting this milestone but I think leaving the 200 club will demand some kind of partying.  So what do you think I should do?  I need ideas. Not being 200 pounds is a really big deal.  It deserves come kind of major recognition.  But what?

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I didn't think I would reach this point.  I guess I figured my willpower would have waned far before now.  So yeah, I have no clue how to reward myself.  I can do the same old things that I like to do to treat myself.  But I feel like I need something bigger that a visit to my favorite frozen yogurt place and going out to dinner.  Something with pizazz. Ideas?

Let's Talk Self-Image

Why isn't this working?

I figured that I'd see some kind of change in myself.  It's there.  Here is the proof:

• I'm wearing a loose size 14 jean instead of barely squeezing myself into a size 18.  
• I noticed yesterday that I no longer need to move the dining table's chair in order to squeeze past the dishwasher when it is open.
• Although still at 30 lbs lost, the weight has moved and now I'm .1 lb away from calling it 31.
• I've run 6 miles for time since Monday where I sprinted most of them. I rock a 9 minute mile.  I think I could barely walk a 20 minute mile when I first started this all.   It's gotten easy enough that I can read while leisure running/jogging and enjoyed the last half of the third Stephanie Plum novel that I'm rereading.
• My tummy is smaller.  When sitting on the couch, nothing is roll-ish when I look down.
• My fat upper arms, while still fat (thanks for the genetics mom!), are not nearly as water-wing-like as they were previously.
• When I contract my calf muscles, I have a very obvious cut in.  I'm pretty fascinated by it.

So even with this list of proof, and others that won't occur to me until after I click the "post" button, I don't SEE it. I can see bits and pieces but when looking at the big picture it's not there at all.  The stupid fat chick that is apparently still securely in residence in my psyche continues to be a major witch and is messing with me.  I try to tell myself positive things.  I try to look on the bright side.  I tell the fat chick in my head to shut up and that she's being ridiculous.  But this is still what I see when I look in a full mirror:

• Look at that gut.  I could never be on the show Biggest Loser because no way in hell would I be able to stand up in front of people in just a sports bra and shorts.  And forget about the tv audience.  No way.
• Seriously, a double chin.  It's not a full one but that's definitely face fat.
• Speaking of face fat, aren't their supposed to be cheekbones?  Oh, they're under that chub.
• Thank God it's not tank top weather, those arms almost flap like wings.  I suppose flying would be good cardio though.
• I can't even bear to look at my thighs or butt.

Am I just incapable of being satisfied and happy?   I want to be.  SO badly.  I don't understand why it's such a hard inner struggle.  My goals aren't anything ridiculous.  At least I don't think so.

• To be healthy enough to be an active, positive role model for children some day.
• To be able to take on challenges like a marathon and know that I've worked hard enough to earn my spot in the ranks of other competitors.
• To never again have a doctor use the word "obese" when talking about my weight.
• To be able to shop in all the stores with cute clothes and not worry about whether they've already sold the one fat size they usually have in stock.
• To lower the possibility of diabetes, heart disease, some cancers, and a bunch of other icky things.
• To be able to look in the mirror and think "I look cute today."

A Giveaway and a Holiday Struggle

First things first.  I wanted to totally keep it to myself to up my chances but over at Prior Fat Girl they're doing a few fabulous giveaways that include a Polar heart rate monitor (hurry ends tonight), Some Billy Blanks programs, and a Shape magazine wellness pack that looks totally awesome.  Click here to enter:

http://www.priorfatgirl.com/category/giveaways

In other news, it's just over 50 days until Christmas and tomorrow marks the start of my holiday struggle.  My church does a huge bazaar every year with tons of handcrafts, linens, books, furniture, and most importantly... food.  Not just any food.  Traditional Norwegian fare that defies you to try to put a caloric amount on it.  I'm sure you can do it, but the numbers would probably shock you into death.

Speaking of numbers:

BAM!  One more pound to the half way goal!

So it's totally important that I don't completely sabotage my progress with a gorge-fest.  And it totally could be.  Lefse, Swedish meatballs, pie, more lefse, shrimpy sandwiches, Rømmegrøt, sweet coffee, rosettes, and I have to admit that they may very well be more lefse.  What to do?  It's totally a once a year event but my weight is my life.  I know just one day isn't going to completely erase what I already have achieved, but then again, is one day of food pleasure worth setting back something that's for my life?

I mean c'mon!  It's kicking off Christmas!

But I might have to kick my own butt afterwards.