UGH! I Feel Squishy

I am still trying to battle Thanksgiving.  I ate reasonably, didn't drink but one non-water beverage, and even avoided gluten pretty darn successfully.

Except for the dip.


YOU HEARD ME!  Hi!  I'm Anna and apparently when you mix a brick of cream cheese with taco seasoning and then top it with cheese, tomato, lettuce, and olives... I can't stop eating it.  Like, I would stop and realize I was licking my fingers even though I swear I don't remember ever taking a chip to that dip.  Super-salty taco dip equals major bloat.  MAJOR.  I woke up on Friday morning an weighed EIGHT pounds more than I did on Thursday morning.  It made me want to vomit.  So I've been eating as clean as possible since then, avoiding salt and gluten, and am almost down to pre-turkey day weight except for a reasonable 1.5 pounds that I can feel as a squishy fluid all around my waist.  So no weigh in for me this week.  I'll just be happy to lose this bloat.

But I'm a self hater.  I made naan tonight.

Delicious flatbread, grilled outside, a touch of char to the edge, but super soft none the less.  I totally ate like four of them.  So yeah, I'll be squishier tomorrow morning.  I can feel the itching beginning already.  Guess what?  SO worth it.

In other news:  I've decided to start working towards item #1 on my 101 things in 1001 days list.  I've started working on a few (including learning a piano piece by heart, new soup creations, and smiling at babies) but the first goal I wrote down was "Run a 5k for time".  I don't just want to complete the run, I want to race!  I'm starting the Couch to 5K program again as soon as finals are done and this time I'm going to really work on my weakness.  Pace.  I haven't been able to develop a good rhythm that doesn't have me blowing the majority of my energy before the second leg of the race.  So I'm working on it.  I wish I had someone to run with to help with this.  I'm too intimidated to hang out with the local running club.  Maybe I'll feel legit enough post-5K-race.

Empty Victory

I'm feeling down again.

I don't understand why my body, or brain, or whatever, is letting this fat chick take control.  I should be be pleased today.  I've done it!  I've officially moved to the other side of my weight loss ticker.

I was happy, don't get me wrong.  I got that wonderful, warm, cheerful feeling in my heart but it faded so quickly.  Second after it was replaced by the insidious voice of that fat chick inside me.  I thought I was destroying her but the whispers have began again.  Looking in the mirror, I don't see twenty-six pounds gone.  She whispers, "what's the point of weight loss if you can't see it at all?"  Reminds me that I still look fat. She makes me look at the spots on my naked body that are disgusting and obviously not changed by weight loss.

Twenty-six pounds is a lot!  That's the weight of three good-sized newborn babies.  You would think I could see something.  Heck, I think I should see something.  But no. That bastard of a fat chick is still in control.  Why won't she leave me be?  I just want to look in the mirror once and think "ooh.  I look good!"  Is that too much to ask for?  I mean, I didn't even really feel pretty on my wedding day.  This sucks!

Happy Monday! No, Really.

I've been suffering from what I refer to as "the weekend bloat".  It's due to my weekend eating being a tad more free and less regimented when it comes to salts, gluten, and fats.  So to be fair, I don't really suffer on the weekend.  I enjoy myself immensely.  It's the full pound or two of bloat that is in evidence on Monday and often until Wednesday that makes me suffer.  I feel all squishy around my mid-section and I think it's really visible in my face.  BUT not today.  i hopped on the scale this morning and it said I am .2 pounds less than I was on Friday morning!  That's not a big loss at all but since I sorta expected it to say I was up two pounds due to bloat, I'm thrilled.  I guess this low-cholesterol diet IS good for something besides torturing me.

In other news:
I made the best salad EVER.  So simple, healthy, and amazing it taste like one of those bad-for-you meals.  It even looks unhealthy.  I failed to pick up tomatoes at the store so it was a tad lacking today but generally it tastes like a BLT.

It's just baby romaine lettuce tossed in a balsamic vinegarette and then topped with a half ounce of cheddar cheese, two diced hard-boiled egg whites, and a serving of turkey pepperoni that I crisped up in the oven.  It really is delicious!  Especially with tomatoes diced as well.

Details

I received my official heart risk report in the mail just now.  It really isn't pretty.


                                   My Numbers          Desirable Number
Total Cholesterol               244                          < 200
Triglycerides                     133                          < 150
HDL                                   31                           > 40
LDL                                  187                          < 130
TC/HDL Ratio                   8.0                           < 4.5

So today I started my day with two packs of heart healthy Quaker apples and cinnamon oatmeal.  If one is heart healthy, two has to be double as good.  Right?  I picked up some baby spinach to add an extra olive oil vinaigrette salad to my daily routine, some Smart Balance butter substitute, and some supplements.

Details include:

"Trust your heart health with Nature Made Fish Oil 1200 mg, Burp-Less. Every 2 softgels deliver 720 mg of Omega-3s. Burp-Less Fish Oil has all the heart healthy benefits of regular fish oil and is specially coated (enteric coated) to help control fish burps, fishy odor and aftertaste. The Omega-3s in Burp-Less Fish Oil protect the heart by keeping cell membranes flexible and healthy.

• Supportive but not conclusive research shows that consumption of EPA and DHA Omega-3 fatty acids may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease.  (See nutrition information for total fat, saturated fat, and cholesterol content.)
• EPA and DHA are the two key Omega-3s for heart health 
• Every 2 softgels deliver 720 mg of Omega-3s, including 600 mg of EPA & DHA (360 mg EPA/240 mg DHA); more than the 500 mg of EPA and DHA recommended by some experts for heart health.
• Specially coated to help control fish burps"

I'm not even going to lie.  I totally giggled at all the fish burp references.  Maybe I'll be able to compete with my husband now.

Broken Hearted

You know how sometimes it seems like everything is going well and you just sit waiting for something to go wrong?

That was me.

I've been doing pretty well overall in my efforts to get healthy physically by slimming down and getting stronger, and mentally by kicking that fat chick in the mirror in the butt in an effort to actually like myself.  I've been watching everything I eat.  Sure, on high-stress days i probably don't eat enough to keep up the weight loss but that's not often and I'm not slipping back into my old ways of not eating enough to survive.  Well, enough to survive but not enough to really live.  I've hit roadblocks and overcome them. 

Then today I got news that has shaken me.  My cholesterol screening came back and it appears I have the cholesterol levels of a fifty year old, male, pound of bacon a day, never exercising, two pack a day smoking, couch potato.  I have no family history of anything  heart related.  I'm rattled.  I've made SO many changes to get healthy.  I researched healthy options to loved foods so my husband wouldn't have to suffer during my weight loss.  I exercise and had even started training for a 5k.  I can run a 5k but I want to do it well.  I want to really race.  Completing a race is amazing!  BUT  I wanna beat people.  Anyway...  so I'm at a point where I really don't have that many things I can do in an effort to fix this cholesterol problem myself.  After an informal consultation with my favorite nutrition guru and some independent research talking to friends and using Google, here is my gameplan:

• oatmeal, fruit, egg whites, or a combination of the three for breakfast
• add Benefiber to everything I can
• take fish oil and niacin capsules daily
• switch to all low or no-fat dairy  (goodbye 2 year old, black label cheddar in my soup)
• eat more quinoa and brown rice for the whole grain
• no butter, just SmartBalance plus Calcium
• eat beans at least twice a week
• eat wild-caught fish at least twice a week
• avoid juices with added fructose
• only lean meats (goodbye favorite cut of meat: ribeye)
• use sunflower oil instead of vegetable oil
• add an extra 15 minutes of aerobic exercise per day

You know what sucks about that gameplan?  Can you see it?

It cramps my holiday style!  I rarely see anything that at holiday buffets that look like they are heart healthy.  "Heart Healthy".   I never figured I would be overly concerned with that sorta thing for at least another decade or so.  My doctor would prefer medical intervention and drug therapy immediately but dang it!  I'm not seventy!  I insist on trying to manage this all myself for a little bit first.  If no change in three months, I'll accept the doctor's opinion.  I'm too young for heart meds.

A Giveaway and a Holiday Struggle

First things first.  I wanted to totally keep it to myself to up my chances but over at Prior Fat Girl they're doing a few fabulous giveaways that include a Polar heart rate monitor (hurry ends tonight), Some Billy Blanks programs, and a Shape magazine wellness pack that looks totally awesome.  Click here to enter:

http://www.priorfatgirl.com/category/giveaways

In other news, it's just over 50 days until Christmas and tomorrow marks the start of my holiday struggle.  My church does a huge bazaar every year with tons of handcrafts, linens, books, furniture, and most importantly... food.  Not just any food.  Traditional Norwegian fare that defies you to try to put a caloric amount on it.  I'm sure you can do it, but the numbers would probably shock you into death.

Speaking of numbers:

BAM!  One more pound to the half way goal!

So it's totally important that I don't completely sabotage my progress with a gorge-fest.  And it totally could be.  Lefse, Swedish meatballs, pie, more lefse, shrimpy sandwiches, Rømmegrøt, sweet coffee, rosettes, and I have to admit that they may very well be more lefse.  What to do?  It's totally a once a year event but my weight is my life.  I know just one day isn't going to completely erase what I already have achieved, but then again, is one day of food pleasure worth setting back something that's for my life?

I mean c'mon!  It's kicking off Christmas!

But I might have to kick my own butt afterwards.