Search This Blog

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Worse than the plague, natural disasters, and hormonal skin...

Well.. not really.  But due to my unreasonable body hatred, I feel sick to my gut on an equal level with thoughts of plague, disasters, and waking up to find the skin on your face has become a horrific, hormonal mess a la stereotypical teenager.

What's got me sick?


Did you feel it?  That twisting in the pit of your stomach?

I'm all about people feeling good in the body they have.  I will not judge you for your swimwear choice provided you keep everything legally required to be covered, covered, and don't stick your boobs right in my husbands face (you skank).  BUT.  Remember.  I hate my body.  That nagging voice is still there.  That fat chick telling me:

  • I'll look ridiculous
  • Nobody wants to see that
  • Someone will make you feel ashamed
  • Fat people should dress for their size
  • They're all gonna laugh at you
How do I deal with that?

I want to look cute and be able to wear a bikini so badly but I'll likely go for a full coverage/slimming/flaw hiding one piece yet again.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Weight Shaming

Where the hell do we get off?

No really? Who died and made Americans the final word on what is right and proper? Who told us we had to regulate the world?

We are so darn opinionated and eager to fix the lives of other people. But who made us the boy scouts of the universe? If we don't like it, it must be wrong. That's the impression I get from acts like cutting french fries from kid's meals at fast food places, regulating how many ounces of soda is "too much", and blatant weight shaming. Both under and over weight people get it but the fat shaming is ridiculous. Even in jest, it can hurt. People think that's a good thing because it "motivates to change." Well damnit! Maybe I don't want to change! But I will. Because America makes it hard to feel beautiful when everything seems to be saying otherwise.

Have you seen something about weight that's really gotten to you? Wanna vent?




Friday, March 15, 2013

There are a Lot of Liars

Scales lie.


*They can lead you to believe that all your hard work was for nothing since you gained instead of lost.  It rarely mentions that a handful of muscle, being much denser than fat, weighs more.  It doesn't mention that when you overdid it in the gym/dance/treadmill activity, your muscles got hurt so your brain sent a protective layer of water bloat to cushion the area until it repairs itself.

Our brains lie.  


*Have you ever seen a person out in public wearing something ridiculously wrong for their body?  Like a 400lb woman wearing day-glo pink spandex with a fluffy sweater that looked liked she killed Chewbacca?  Know why she likely wore that outfit?  She thought she looked GOOD!  It's the same mechanism that causes a girl you may think looks perfect, to think she's grossly fat.

Our loved ones and friends lie.


*Good friends love you no matter what.  But it's their love for you that causes them to blatantly lie to your face.  I've known a person or two to behave otherwise but most people when confronted with the "does this make me look fat?" question, would never just say "yes."  Not wanting to hurt you they suggest that maybe that outfit just isn't your color or that the pockets are cut weird and therefore it looks odd.

You know what doesn't lie regularly?

Our clothes.


If your clothes don't fit.  There is a problem.  Sure, it could just be temporary. Maybe all those salty foods or gluten or alcohol over the weekend are causing you to bloat for a bit.  No big deal, but you notice the problem because your pants don't fit quite right.  

Moral of the story:  Listen to your pants.  The others all lie. 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Very Expensive Urine

During an episode of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon finds himself grocery shopping in the company of Penny.  Sheldon is along to purchase a multitude of eggs for use in an at home culinary experiment.  While shopping, Penny begins loading up on bottles of various vitamins and supplements.  Hilarity ensues.

Generally speaking, I totally agree with Sheldon.  Heck, I just generally agree with him.  I use to be of the mind that I didn't need any kind of a vitamin.  I trusted the sun's warming rays, the food I ate, my exercise, and my body to produce everything I could possibly need.  Turns out, that method doesn't work for everyone.  So here I am.  Enjoying the benefits of weight loss thanks to finding a nutritional balance that my body deems appropriate to lose weight.  I've discovered that when I feed my body what it needs, it treats me better.  Novel thought huh?  I never said I was swift of mind.

Weight loss update:

I have lost 24% of my total body weight.  Can you believe that crap?  I can't.  Still can't see it either.  I think my brain is gonna explode when I finally get below 200.  It's gonna be amazing.

Anyway, here are my daily ingredients for expensive urine.

Pretty huh?  The only vitamin/supplement not shown is my niacin tablet but that's for cholesterol regulation since my last physical showed my numbers a tad high.  I talked to my doctor, and this is what we came up with.  You should talk to yours.

What we have here is (from top to bottom)

  • Nature Made Adult Gummies Vitamin D3  -  No sun = low D, this helps.
  • Nature Made Adult Gummies Fish Oil  -  For cholesterol to support a healthy heart.
  • Nature Made Adult Gummies B Complex  -  Helps produce energy from food eaten.
  • Nature Made Adult Gummies Coq10  -  Antioxidant important in energy production.
  • Nature Made Adult Gummies Calcium  -  For strong bones.
  • GNC Women's Prenatal Formula with Iron  -  A multi-vitamin.
  • Diurex Water Pills  -  Cut the bloat from accident gluten ingestion.
So there you have it.  Turns out, vitamins were just the boost I needed to break through a major plateau.  Weight loss even seems easier this time.  Maybe I was missing those few key ingredients to make my urine expensive enough.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Quick Post


It's Sunday night.  Therefore I'm super busy doing all the house chores that I put off all weekend until now.  Yeah, kinda important to have groceries, clean clothes, and my weekly schedule printed up.

I'll have a good post for you in a day or so.  Already have the workings of it in my head.  Topic: Vitamins.

Until then, a quick share of the 370 calories snack I made this evening.  It's the most delicious and simple snack recipe I've made at home.  BONUS:  It tastes like it's bad for you.

1 serving of white corn chips
1.5 oz of cheddar shredded
a sprinkle of cumin
2 oz of pico de gallo
2 T of sour cream

Saturday, January 12, 2013

How to Cope?

For me, weight loss is all about routine.

When I'm successful it's because I find something that works and then repeat the process over and over as long as I get results.  When I fail it's never because of a single thing.  It's because I keep doing the wrong things over and over again.  Not rocket science. So it's no surprise that things start to go wrong for me in the world of weight loss when schedules are involved.

Spring semester classes are starting once again and just like always, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  My orderly world of:

  • Eat at 9am
  • Exercise/work
  • Eat at 11am
  • Chores/work
  • Eat at 2pm
  • Errands/work
  • Eat at 4pm
  • Make dinner
  • Eat at 7pm
  • Watch a little tv's all going to be turned on its head come Monday.

I've gotta start packing foods/snacks to go again.  I've gotta shift workouts to late in the day.  I've got to meal plan everything instead of just dinners.  I've got to hope the added stress doesn't knock me back to my fattest days when I'd skip breakfast, often lunch, and then just eat a small dinner because my stomach had shrunk so much from lack of food.

I've done this before many times and gotten through.  I still worry though.  That's just my nature.  While there is nothing wrong with a soda or candy bar once in a while, will I start picking it up as a habit between classes?  Will not being a morning person cause me to oversleep and not have time to pack my lunch?  Will I just fail?

I don't ask myself these things to be negative.  I'm one of those people that always likes to be prepared.  If I can recognize potential problems before they arise, perhaps I'll be better prepare to battle them then.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Let's Talk "Biggest Loser"

Alright.  No spoilers here so don't fret.

This show makes me feel great about myself in that motivational way that is they can do it, I can do it.  But it also makes me feel oh so very bad about myself.

I've been working so hard on improving my self image.  SO HARD.  And then I see these contestants.  Some of which have very similar weights as I currently do and I think "Oh my God.  Is that how I look?"  Once again, "Are people just being nice to me by not telling me what a blob I look?"  Here are the female contestants that are close-ish in weight to me.

 Only 13 pounds heavier than me.

Only 10 pounds heavier than me.

Only 20 pounds heavier than me.

Only 18 pounds heavier than me.

I just don't get it.  What is wrong in my head?  My body before I started losing weight was likely just as bad as the contestants but now I look at the group photo and think "I am WAY fitter and thinner than those guys."  But the damn numbers.  The numbers say that's not quite true.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

New Year - New Me

I really want to do this.

Hell, I AM doing this.

As each new year comes, I find that so many people want to make huge changes to their lives.  They make lists.  I refuse to make a list of resolutions this year.  Every year it's the same old thing for me and I think for most people.

  • Lose weight
  • Eat healthier
  • Exercise more
People make this list and then fail.  Then I don't know about you, but then I feel crappy about myself.  Not only am I a fat and out of shape person but I'm a big failure on top of it all. [sarcasm font] Well that sounds good for the self-esteem. [/sarcasm font]  So this year, instead of looking forward I shall be looking back.  I think everyone needs to.  What have you done in the previous year that you were not sure you could accomplish?

Now what am I'm proud of?

Look at that!  If I lost 63.5 pounds, what's to stop me from loosing 57.5?

Yeah, you already know I lost 50+.  
This accomplishment had less to do with weight and more with self-image.
It was a really big deal for me to put a picture of myself on the internet.

I climbed a mountain.
Not just a metaphorical one.
The view was worth the near asthma attack due to switchbacks.

All these things worked last year to create a new me.  I'm a work in progress.  I can only work hard and hope that a year from now I am just as pleased with my actions of the past year.