I'm Frustrated

I haven't posted in over a week and it's a shame.  I didn't post because frankly, there was nothing good to post about.  But that's not supposed to be the point of this blog.  I don't want to be one of those people that sugar coats everything.  Losing weight is generally not easy.  Developing good habits is not easy.

I've heard a lot of people lately are hitting the frustrated button and that they feel all alone.  You are not alone!  I think there are tons of people out there who are experiencing the same problems but are afraid they'll look like a failure if they admit to them.  You're not a failure until you quit.

I am barely losing weight.  I'm at 31 pounds lost total and that sucker barely moved at all this month even though I'm watching all my calories in and out. I'm eating only healthy food except for the Taco John's extravaganza on Tuesday because damnit, if I'm not losing weight anyway I might as well have some potato oles with cheese sauce (YUM).  I cut out most of my juice consumption, and I'm definitely hitting the gym.  It's the dreaded plateau again and it's driving me bonkers.  My brain is working against me again and I'm getting desperate. I don't just want, I NEED to lose that next 20-ish pounds.  People have been telling me to be happy with my body.  Well, people also tell you that if you don't like something you should fix it.  So I'm trying.

Monday ~ Part 2

See this?

It's almost like an eclipse.  Pretty and the sort of thing you could stare at for a while.  Well...  20 minutes anyway.  That's the picture of my ceiling light down in my gym.  I laid on the floor staring at it because that's pretty much all I could bring myself to do after biking three miles in only 7 minutes.  I don't even know why I did it.  I just randomly was all "I wonder how quickly I could bike 3 miles?"

Fitocracy ~ Check it Out!

I have a competitive streak.

Not that I'm all "OMG I HAVE TO WIN!!"  I'm more "I have to prove I'm not a loser."

I am so glad that a beautiful Rugby Wife i know turned me on to this site.  I can already tell that I'm going to get so much out of it.

Here are the basics of it:

• social network type site - I've already met some great like-minded people.
• really easy to log workouts
• you can schedule workouts and get an email reminder when they're due
• there are groups by interest/region/age/whatever that have individual challenges
• there are quests.  I did one last night that included:  

                                                                   *40 bodyweight lunges
                                                                   *30 bodyweight squats
                                                                   *15 jumping squats
                                                                   *25 pushups
                                                                   *1/2 mile run

It felt GREAT!  The quest aspect pushed myself to complete even though that run was killing me after all those squats.

I think it might be a really great resource.  Really great.  You should check it out.  No cost, no worries.

If you do join, look me up on there.  My screen name is  KickMeImAnna

I've also started a group based off this blog (http://www.fitocracy.com/group/5560/) and have joined a local South Dakota group.  Hope to see you there!

Let's Talk Self-Image

Why isn't this working?

I figured that I'd see some kind of change in myself.  It's there.  Here is the proof:

• I'm wearing a loose size 14 jean instead of barely squeezing myself into a size 18.  
• I noticed yesterday that I no longer need to move the dining table's chair in order to squeeze past the dishwasher when it is open.
• Although still at 30 lbs lost, the weight has moved and now I'm .1 lb away from calling it 31.
• I've run 6 miles for time since Monday where I sprinted most of them. I rock a 9 minute mile.  I think I could barely walk a 20 minute mile when I first started this all.   It's gotten easy enough that I can read while leisure running/jogging and enjoyed the last half of the third Stephanie Plum novel that I'm rereading.
• My tummy is smaller.  When sitting on the couch, nothing is roll-ish when I look down.
• My fat upper arms, while still fat (thanks for the genetics mom!), are not nearly as water-wing-like as they were previously.
• When I contract my calf muscles, I have a very obvious cut in.  I'm pretty fascinated by it.

So even with this list of proof, and others that won't occur to me until after I click the "post" button, I don't SEE it. I can see bits and pieces but when looking at the big picture it's not there at all.  The stupid fat chick that is apparently still securely in residence in my psyche continues to be a major witch and is messing with me.  I try to tell myself positive things.  I try to look on the bright side.  I tell the fat chick in my head to shut up and that she's being ridiculous.  But this is still what I see when I look in a full mirror:

• Look at that gut.  I could never be on the show Biggest Loser because no way in hell would I be able to stand up in front of people in just a sports bra and shorts.  And forget about the tv audience.  No way.
• Seriously, a double chin.  It's not a full one but that's definitely face fat.
• Speaking of face fat, aren't their supposed to be cheekbones?  Oh, they're under that chub.
• Thank God it's not tank top weather, those arms almost flap like wings.  I suppose flying would be good cardio though.
• I can't even bear to look at my thighs or butt.

Am I just incapable of being satisfied and happy?   I want to be.  SO badly.  I don't understand why it's such a hard inner struggle.  My goals aren't anything ridiculous.  At least I don't think so.

• To be healthy enough to be an active, positive role model for children some day.
• To be able to take on challenges like a marathon and know that I've worked hard enough to earn my spot in the ranks of other competitors.
• To never again have a doctor use the word "obese" when talking about my weight.
• To be able to shop in all the stores with cute clothes and not worry about whether they've already sold the one fat size they usually have in stock.
• To lower the possibility of diabetes, heart disease, some cancers, and a bunch of other icky things.
• To be able to look in the mirror and think "I look cute today."

It's a Miracle?

Maybe a miracle.  Maybe.  I'm skeptical but I'll take it.  I weighed myself this morning and I'm totally down .8 of a pound since yesterday.  Which is weird since I didn't think I was bloated and my scale hasn't said anything favorable to me in weeks.  So I'm just going to pretend that it's a miracle based upon drinking a smoothie yesterday.  Practical?  No.  But I'm going to do it anyway.  I need a boost even if it is a bit of a fabrication.  Either way, I'm still fat.  I've taken to referring to myself as tubby.  My husband isn't pleased and it's probably some big negative mark on my self-esteem tally, but I can't help it.  All I see when I look in the mirror is a chick with a major weight problem.  I'm so sick of it.  Add that to two people in my life telling me what I'm doing wrong with my diet, and I'm about to snap.  Seriously, two months of weight watchers group does not make you an expert.  I'm no expert but dang!  At least I'm trying to figure this out on my own.

BUT  at least I'm eating well.  I'm not even kidding.  These smoothies are frickin' fabulous.  I don't usually push people to be followers and such but you have really got to try one!

Oatmeal and Berries Smoothie

Yield: 1 serving/2 cups


Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup OJ (whatever juice, I used the OJ + omegas)
• 1/2 ripe banana, peeled & frozen
• 1/2 cup of frozen raspberries
• 1 handful mixed spinach greens
• 1 tbsp chia seeds
• 1/2 tbsp honey
• 1/4 cup of ice
• 1/4 C rolled oats
• 1/4 cup yogurt (I used Fage 0%)

Directions:

1. Starting with the liquid, add in the juice. 
2. Now add in the chia seeds, honey, raspberries and oatmeal. 
3. Next, add in the spinach followed by the banana on top which will help weigh it all down.. 
4. Blend until smooth. 
5. Add in your ice cubes and blend some more.

Cheers to a Smooth New Year of Being Healthy!

You know how you guarantee a smooth new year?

Me either but I figured adding smoothies couldn't hurt.

Some of them can look weird or gross, but they really are quite tasty!  For my first day of being a smoothie making fool I decided to go with the classic from the people who have perfected the tasty and yet healthy smoothie, http://greenmonstermovement.com/

Check them out, there are tons of super-healthy smoothie recipes.  I used the classic and have the recipe below listing what exactly I put in mine.

Classic Green Monster

Yield: 1 serving/2 cups


Ingredients:

• 1 cup milk (you can use whatever milk)
• 1 ripe banana, peeled & frozen
• 2 handfuls mixed spinach greens
• 1 tbsp chia seeds
• 1 tbsp nut butter (I used peanut butter)
• 1/4 cup of ice

Directions:

1. Starting with the liquid, add in the milk. 
2. Now add in the chia seeds and peanut butter. 
3. Next, add in the spinach followed by the banana on top which will help weigh it all down.. 
4. Blend until smooth. 
5. Add in your ice cubes and blend some more. 

 It's not the prettiest thing ever, but it tastes of peanut butter and banana. No "veggie" taste at all.  In fact, I think I could have gotten away with adding probably double the spinach and probably will next time.  I think tomorrow's smoothie will be an oatmeal one.  That sounds lovely.

Confession:  I hummed the Popeye theme song while drinking this.  If Popeye the sailor man had been giving out spinach this way, EVERYONE would have been a fan!

I'm Sick. Pity Me.

The title just about sums it up.  I have officially succumbed to the dreaded winter cold. 

My day today includes:

• Staring at the vacuum I plugged in but can't find the motivation to actually use.
• Drinking my calories in the form of ginger ale since it's the only thing my belly won't violently object to.
• Watching trashy tv. Currently "40 Most Shocking Divorces" on vh1.
• Sleeping or at least drifting off randomly.
• Watching the cats spread their toys across the living room floor in an evenly spaced fashion.

It also includes some moderate productivity:

• Organizing my school supplies for the new semester.
• Looking up the school books I need online.
• Losing the last of that holiday water weight.  Meh.
• Revamping my resume and filling out a fun, part-time job application.

I feel like such a pile. I can not bring myself to walk on the treadmill (the bouncing = vom), I am hungry but cooking would be a waste, and my Wednesday chores are ignored completely.

I'll be back when I feel like a human again.