I Have a Rant - We're Programmed

When did we lose control?

When did we become sheep being led throughout our lives with other people telling us how things are supposed to be?  We're programmed.

I typed "ideal breakfast" into the image search on Google and this is the first image that popped up:

This is what we're told is a "good" breakfast.  Look at it. Really look at it.  Is that the best we can really do for ourselves?   Of course not.  But we've been programmed to think that this is what we need.  I'm not saying it's devoid of nutrition by any means!  Although I'm pretty sure the croissant falls more in the "butter" group than the "whole grain" group  ;)

We're so programmed that some people will adamantly argue the appropriateness of your food choices if they see you deviating from what has become the norm. My husband for example, has a huge problem with just the idea of breakfast for dinner.  It's just not right even if many of us are beginning to truly embrace brinner.  A dear friend of mine began eating salads for breakfast.  They are a compact, nutritionally dense meal that can easily be modified to hit the protein, fat levels, etc that a person might want or need.  Oatmeal for breakfast is great.  It just doesn't hit as many points that are beneficial as something like the salads do.  When my friend mentioned her morning salad diet,  some people commented that they couldn't do it themselves.  Why?  For a minute my brain said "that's weird".  Why are we so afraid to step outside the norm?  Americans on the whole are suffering from obesity and a wide range of ailments that can be diet and fitness controlled.  Obviously the norm is NOT WORKING people.  I yell to remind myself to get the message as well.

Doing the same thing on Google, here is the ideal lunch:

That looks... less than thrilling. Nutritious?  SURE!  But positively boring.  Because good-for-you food is all bland, uninspired, and just something you have to consume.  Eat to live, don't live to eat right? I say WRONG.  I want to enjoy every bite that goes into my mouth.

I challenge you. Yeah, you.  I'll do it too.  I challenge you to make a list of all the food you like that's pretty much totally good for you.  Then next to the food, write why it's a poor food choice for each meal.  A lean grilled steak for lunch?  Yeah, it's pretty hard to make one fresh when you're at work all day.  But if you had steak for dinner last night, there isn't any reason leftovers couldn't become sliced steak in a corn tortilla with a bit of cheese and veggies.  Steak tacos!  Heck, it almost sounds better than the original meal.  I had steamed broccoli for part of my breakfast. I eat constantly throughout the day when I'm home so no formal breakfast.  So far today here's my food:

•   7:30am  - 2 light Babybel Cheeses
•   9:00am  - 1 cup of steam broccoli with salt and my healthy "butter" with lots of omegas
• 10:00am  - 4 or 5 fried egg whites (I used egg beaters whites)
• 11:15am  - mixed melon pieces (still eating but I suspect 3-4 cups will be eaten)

Just all foods I like.  Sure, I could make it look "normal".  It's all just a deconstructed broccoli and cheese egg white omelet with a side of fruit.  But I didn't want an omelet and I refuse to eat one just because it's what I should do according to the programming i have received.  I like to think for myself.  That's freedom.

So take the challenge.  Make your lists and share them with me.  if you don't eat a grilled cheese sandwich for breakfast just because it's weird, tell me so.  I'd like to know.  I'll post my list tomorrow.

Before and Current

So.   I've been trying really hard lately to be brave.  To love myself.  To see myself as others see me and not as that image of grotesqueness that is burned into my brain.

I've worked hard.  I am not a success yet, but I'm on my way as long as I "just keep swimming" as Dori advises in Finding Nemo. (What a wise, little, forgetful, fish)

I will not give up.  I will embrace change. I will get there.

Failure is a sad, sad place to be and I will not live there again.

I'm not calling this a before and after pic because dangit.  I'm not done yet.

Thank you SO much to all of you that have supported me thus far.  You're my angels.

How'd You Lose All That Weight?

So, online people have lately been asking me exactly how I lost the 50+ lbs so far.  I realized that I haven't really laid it out in single posts but have spread it all across my blog posts.  So here is my answer to how I lost the weight:

How I did it is actually quite simple (in principle) but it took breaking a lot of bad habits and forming new ones to get here.  Here are the basics .

*Get the crap out of the house.  If you have chips in your cupboard 24/7, someone is going to eat them.  If you have frozen processed lunches, it's too easy to grab that.  Remove the ease of access to things.  Example:  i love cake and ice cream.  i never have it in the house any more.  If i want it, I have to debate whether it is worth it to go spend the money, get dressed, take the time to drive to a restaurant type place to get it.  50% of the time it's not so I can avoid it.  The other 50% of the time, I go and enjoy myself.

*Don't lose your favorite foods.  Find healthier alternatives.  For ice cream, there is a frozen yogurt place that has some fat-free and sugar-free choices plus toppings.  I'm going there tonight because their new flavor is "cheesecake".  I'll top it with fresh fruit or even cocoa roasted almonds.  Not only is it not bad for me.. it's actually good for me.  Pizza is a greasy yet flavorful diet killer if you overdo it regularly.  But there are DIY pizza recipes that are delicious and nutritious.  (FYI: turkey pepperoni is just as tasty as regular and WAY better for you)

*Track your food.  All of it.  Everything you put into your mouth has a potential to impact your health.  Hop on a site like SparkPeople.com (it's free and has apps) and you will soon be able to see exactly where your food problems are.  Previous to doing that i was actually an under-eater.  Years of dieting had me slowly reducing my intake until I barely topped 900 calories most days.  I think my first week i tracked a 650 cal day.  Because of that, my body was in starvation mode and holding onto every darn bit of fat it could as a self-preservation technique.

*Start an exercise routine.  It doesn't need to be something huge like taking on the p90x dvd program or running a marathon.  Just get moving.  Even a daily walk with a H/FI can start improving your health.  One of my favorite exercises is playing "chase the kittens"  it's like hide-and-seek but at high speeds all over the house.  20 minutes of that and you feel like you've worked out.

*Set realistic healthy goals but set some superficial ones too.  My goal is to not be the fat mom some day.  When we have kids, I don't want to be too tired to play, I don't want to be an embarrassment to them as teenagers, and I want to teach them how to have a healthy lifestyle so they never have to struggle with this like i have since I was young.  I want to go to the doctor for a yearly physical and just once to be not reminded that I really should lose weight. Side goals: i want to look hot.  I want to walk into stores and not have clerks look at me with that "we only carry normal sizes" pity.  I want to like who I see in the mirror.  i want to wear a bikini in public without feeling like I should wear shorts and a t-shirt over it to not offend people with my blubber.  I want to wear cute flowy dresses and shirts without worrying that it could make me look pregnant.

*Eat your veggies.  Your body needs vitamins.  Veggies and fruits are SO good for you.  If you don't like the taste (like my H didn't) there are tons of ways to prepare them and sneak them in that are delicious.

*Eat breakfast.  I feel like my body doesn't get revved up until I eat something.  Even if it's just a single cheese because I'm not hungry when I first wake up, that wakes up my system.  I feel like it's led to a more efficient body for me.

*Meal planning:  It's not only good for your wallet (helps avoid impulse buys) but it also allows you to make sure you always have healthy food on hand.  I have no "convenience" food in my house.  But i could whip up a dinner right now with only 10 minutes warning because after i shop I come home and do the whole week's meal prep (what I can anyway) and packages everything in little containers.  I have single servings of cheese and meat cubes, cottage cheese, sugar free jello, sugar free pudding, beef jerky, cut veggies and dip.  All of those are free snacks.  If I'm hungry, I eat.  I also portion out things that I'll need for various dinners and cook things like boiled eggs, mini egg bakes for breakfasts, and chicken breasts that all make for easy and quick snacks and salad additions.

*Eat:  getting yourself a healthy diet should not involve suffering needlessly.  If you are hungry, eat.  just stay away from crap foods.  I had heard it before and didn't quite believe it, but crappy food makes you want more crappy food.  A little handful of chips can quickly become half a bag (pop chips are a delicious and healthier alternative)  whereas healthy things seem to satiate me better.  plus, there is no guilt.  If i want more watermelon, cheese, or whatever... I eat it.

*Don't be lazy:  it's SO easy to just say I'll do it later, I'll start tomorrow, or just to keep doing what you've always done.  But we're on a weight loss and fitness board... obviously it hasn't worked.  Sure, maybe someone once lost 40lbs on WW or "dieted" their way to 15 lbs last year.  But if you're here and overweight, regardless of past losses, you're doing it wrong.  The real goal is to get to a weight that's healthy and to maintain it.  Without having to obsess over it.  You want a healthy lifestyle.  Everyone does.  I know I'd like to never count calories or debate over whether I really need a second helping of mashed potatoes and gravy.  It should be intuitive.  I think once I know what all foods are worth to my body completely and totally without thinking, can eat pizza without worrying about the scale, then I think I'll have truly made it.  Because then my lifestyle will be healthy and complete.

Everyone I Know... Lied to Me

True Story.  All my friends and family must be liars.

Before I started effectively losing weight, if i mentioned anything about being overweight, huge, or fat, I'd hear things like:

"Sure you could lose a few pounds, but you're not fat."

"Regardless of your weight, you're so proportionate that you don't hardly look overweight."

*I would then argue that my doctor (and most in the world)  would classify me as morbidly obese according to my height and weight.

"That's ridiculous.  You just have some vanity pounds to shed."

"Those scales for comparison are all kinds of wrong."


Well guess what?

Here's how much weight I've lost:

Fifty-five G.D. pounds.  So logically, if someone had 55 pounds to lose, they must have been fat. 

I'm STILL fat.  Mind you, I'm only barely 5'4.  I do have a larger frame (stupid big wrists that are too huge for bracelets) but even factoring that in, the ideal weight for me would still be in the 130-150 range.

So... true of false?  People who have 50 pounds or more of unnecessary weight are fat.

The only people who would admit I had a problem were perfect strangers.  Random strangers in a check-out line mumbling "fat bitch" if I accidentally bumped them with my cart.  Salesperson in the Abercrombie store suggesting I check out Lane Bryant since "We only carry normal sizes."  Even random asshat guys barking at me as they drove by where I was walking on the sidewalk.  Yeah, barked at.  Not just once either.  And not just in this state.

I mean, obviously people aren't going to walk up to their friend and be "DANG.  You need to lose weight.  That's ridiculous!"  But when asked for a candid appraisal, I don't see why the truth wouldn't be the obvious response.  Feel free to candy-coat it a bit.  Don't be harsh.  But don't lie.  You see, discovering your deceptions only makes me doubt everything else you've ever said to me.

And as you know, most of us fat chicks don't have a lot of self-esteem to spare.

It's Here at Last!

No, nothing so dramatic.  Although I am quite close to throwing myself a party for escaping the 200lb club.  Quite.  Like maybe by this time in a week or two.  But that's not the excitement.

It's salad season again!

Some of you may be wondering at my excitement but that's just because you are unaware of my hippie tendencies.  I generally don't eat salads regularly unless the ingredients are all locally available.  I'm all about local agriculture.  So much so that I've got my own little urban farm planned for my backyard and deck.  Once the weather gives me the A-OK to transplant my seedlings from indoors, my summer will be complete.  I'm growing all the things I love to eat.  A huge amount salad greens, tons of tomatoes, and all the veggies my garden beds can hold.  Hopefully it'll be amazing.  No.  It WILL be amazing.

Gardening season means a return to fresh foods and incessant grilling of dinner.  It's so much easier to eat fresh, green, and healthy foods when it's nice out.  I'm hoping that since I got through the holidays and winter still losing, it'll really jumpstart now.

Finger's crossed!

Goal Victory!

Well, I did it.  As of today it's official.

I've lost 50 pounds.  I am in sight of the day when I'll turn in my membership to the 200 club.  I don't feel a darn bit different, still can't see any change when I look in the mirror, but am SO excited. I'm not going to do any big outward celebration for hitting this milestone but I think leaving the 200 club will demand some kind of partying.  So what do you think I should do?  I need ideas. Not being 200 pounds is a really big deal.  It deserves come kind of major recognition.  But what?

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I didn't think I would reach this point.  I guess I figured my willpower would have waned far before now.  So yeah, I have no clue how to reward myself.  I can do the same old things that I like to do to treat myself.  But I feel like I need something bigger that a visit to my favorite frozen yogurt place and going out to dinner.  Something with pizazz. Ideas?

South Beach is Working

So about the South Beach Diet...

Yeah.  It works for me.

I was so skeptical. It hasn't been easy though.  The food choices on this first phase are SO boring.  But since it's working, who am I to complain too much?  My husband and I have decided to have a party day on Sunday in celebration.  We'll go out for pizza (which my husband has been craving incessantly) and just make a freebie day of it food-wise and then jump right back on the wagon the next day.  We're not going to go into phase two fully though.  Still staying away from the breads, potatoes, and pastas, but we're going to add corn, carrots, and the occasional piece of fruit.  The corn and carrots are a big thing since our side dishes at dinner have been so boring.  Broccoli, asparagus, peas and green beans are just a constant splash of green on our dinner plates.  It'll be nice to be able to add some veggie medleys in again.  I don't think it'll derail us either.  Since it's not like we're going to go on a corn binge.

I find myself lately to be praying for spring weather.  It's still too cold overall (or too sloppy with melting snow) and I'd love to start an evening habit with my husband.  Maybe just a nice walk.  Or even a bicycle ride if I can find one for him at a decent price.  I don't think the poor man has ridden an actual bike in decades.  I really would love to have some sort of exercise that we could do daily together.