New Year - New Me

I really want to do this.

Hell, I AM doing this.

As each new year comes, I find that so many people want to make huge changes to their lives.  They make lists.  I refuse to make a list of resolutions this year.  Every year it's the same old thing for me and I think for most people.

• Lose weight
• Eat healthier
• Exercise more

People make this list and then fail.  Then I don't know about you, but then I feel crappy about myself.  Not only am I a fat and out of shape person but I'm a big failure on top of it all. [sarcasm font] Well that sounds good for the self-esteem. [/sarcasm font]  So this year, instead of looking forward I shall be looking back.  I think everyone needs to.  What have you done in the previous year that you were not sure you could accomplish?

Now what am I'm proud of?

Look at that!  If I lost 63.5 pounds, what's to stop me from loosing 57.5?

Nothing.

Yeah, you already know I lost 50+.  

This accomplishment had less to do with weight and more with self-image.

It was a really big deal for me to put a picture of myself on the internet.

I climbed a mountain.
Not just a metaphorical one.

The view was worth the near asthma attack due to switchbacks.

All these things worked last year to create a new me.  I'm a work in progress.  I can only work hard and hope that a year from now I am just as pleased with my actions of the past year.

Depressed

Yes, I'm depressed.

No, it's not dire.

I don't feel like doing anything.  I can make myself, but I still don't like it.  I'm in such a mood that I'd rather sit on the couch and not move as opposed to doing almost anything.  I'm actually feeling a tad better today.  I wanted to blog about this on Thursday but simply could not bring myself to do so.  Not that I didn't want to, I just couldn't be bothered.  I think it's the weather.  The holidays.  The final exams coming next week.  The scale creeping so slowly in only 1/10 of a pound increments.  But I'm not allowed to be depressed.

That's my sister's "thing".  If she comes off as depressed at all, everyone is calling me and asking me to check on her, pleading with me to be extra kind to her, and just in general revolving the entire universe around her.  If I'm depressed, I get told that I'm not and that I need to be less dramatic.  Wonder why I learned to just shut my trap and not bother anyone with my problems.  Whether imaginary or legit.

Bollocks.

To distract myself yesterday, I made a couple candies to the holidays.

Hard caramels that (if I may toot my own horn) rival Werther's Originals.  My first try!

And I made gumdrops!  The red ones are orange flavored and the green are lemon.  I think they'll be used to decorate the gingerbread house I'm making with my niece this year.

The gumdrops aren't ready yet as they take two days to cure, but I have sampled a few and they're delicious!

Also, i think it's about time to start thinking about New Year's resolutions.  It IS coming fast.