I'm going to school as of Monday!
I'm so excited to feel like I have a purpose in life again. Being unemployed and constantly searching for jobs has made me feel useless and like a big old loser. I like learning though. My brain has felt so dull lately. It'll be great to sharpen it up a bit. You do lose it if you don't use it.
Even with all the excitement of new books, new bag, news folder, and new super-cute purple paperclips (because I HAD to have them) I am terrified.
I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to juggle being busy with my diet. It was 3:30pm yesterday when I stopped and realized that I was dizzy from having only had a can of ginger ale all day. Even with dinner I only ate 600-ish calories. I know, I know. There are people who wish they could reduce their calories down to a reasonable point to lose weight and here I am complaining that I need to eat more. I'm sorry. I can't just eat a pizza. I wish it was that easy. I've always had an easy time restricting things, adding things... not so much. I rarely am ever hungry. It's really hard to enjoy good food when you don't want to be eating it in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy good food. BUT I would seriously be content with a soda, veggie cream cheese on an egg bagel, and popcorn for dinner each day.
What if I start gaining weight by going back to school? What if I just don't have an appetite because I'd rather read and study than eat? What if I'm a big ol' failure?
I now have a big knot in my stomach that i'm pretty sure is taking up the space food should go.