New Year - New Me

I really want to do this.

Hell, I AM doing this.

As each new year comes, I find that so many people want to make huge changes to their lives.  They make lists.  I refuse to make a list of resolutions this year.  Every year it's the same old thing for me and I think for most people.

• Lose weight
• Eat healthier
• Exercise more

People make this list and then fail.  Then I don't know about you, but then I feel crappy about myself.  Not only am I a fat and out of shape person but I'm a big failure on top of it all. [sarcasm font] Well that sounds good for the self-esteem. [/sarcasm font]  So this year, instead of looking forward I shall be looking back.  I think everyone needs to.  What have you done in the previous year that you were not sure you could accomplish?

Now what am I'm proud of?

Look at that!  If I lost 63.5 pounds, what's to stop me from loosing 57.5?

Nothing.

Yeah, you already know I lost 50+.  

This accomplishment had less to do with weight and more with self-image.

It was a really big deal for me to put a picture of myself on the internet.

I climbed a mountain.
Not just a metaphorical one.

The view was worth the near asthma attack due to switchbacks.

All these things worked last year to create a new me.  I'm a work in progress.  I can only work hard and hope that a year from now I am just as pleased with my actions of the past year.

Before and Current

So.   I've been trying really hard lately to be brave.  To love myself.  To see myself as others see me and not as that image of grotesqueness that is burned into my brain.

I've worked hard.  I am not a success yet, but I'm on my way as long as I "just keep swimming" as Dori advises in Finding Nemo. (What a wise, little, forgetful, fish)

I will not give up.  I will embrace change. I will get there.

Failure is a sad, sad place to be and I will not live there again.

I'm not calling this a before and after pic because dangit.  I'm not done yet.

Thank you SO much to all of you that have supported me thus far.  You're my angels.

Goal Victory!

Well, I did it.  As of today it's official.

I've lost 50 pounds.  I am in sight of the day when I'll turn in my membership to the 200 club.  I don't feel a darn bit different, still can't see any change when I look in the mirror, but am SO excited. I'm not going to do any big outward celebration for hitting this milestone but I think leaving the 200 club will demand some kind of partying.  So what do you think I should do?  I need ideas. Not being 200 pounds is a really big deal.  It deserves come kind of major recognition.  But what?

Honestly, I'm pretty sure I didn't think I would reach this point.  I guess I figured my willpower would have waned far before now.  So yeah, I have no clue how to reward myself.  I can do the same old things that I like to do to treat myself.  But I feel like I need something bigger that a visit to my favorite frozen yogurt place and going out to dinner.  Something with pizazz. Ideas?